a little digging

i started digging the world wide web for information relating to the things that are happening to me. and i learned a lot. i read a lot. and i discovered that there are a lot of women experiencing the same thing that i am experiencing right now. so i guess i'm not alone. but still, it's not something that i should take for granted. worst comes to worse, i may have cancer. now tell me, isn't that something one should be afraid of? i guess some people just can't understand the way i'm feeling. they tell me not to worry. they tell me it's not going to be that bad. but who knows, right? the doctor hasn't given her opinion just yet. so i did my own little digging. and that was one of the things that i got. if you were in my place, wouldn't you be afraid? wouldn't you be anxious? i try to be strong but then again, i know i'm not that strong. i'm weak. i cry easily. i'm emotional and all those things.

i can't remember the last time that i went to the hospital where i was the patient. i think (and i'm not sure about this) the last time i was admitted to the hospital was when i was 8 years old. see? can you just imagine? that long. i've pretty much been a healthy kid. so why am i experiencing this now? =( i'm really really not feeling good about this. i'm agitated. i'm soooo nervous. =(