longings and dreams

i long to spend my days with you. i wish i'm there right now. i'd like to take care of you. i'd love to be there for you when you're sick, when you're down and especially when you're happy. i'd like to share with you my every day.

i've dreamed of strolling the malls holding your hand. i've dreamed of sitting around watching tv and cuddling. i've dreamed of spending a day at the beach with you...eating dinner together...a lot of things have gone through my mind that i'm wishing i could do with you.

for now, they remain to be dreams. i hope they will come true in the future.

nostalgia

a post on my wednesday morning:

i woke up late as usual. it was already 8:10 when i woke up. so i waited for my bro to finish using the bathroom. i showered and did all my morning ceremonies. whatever they are, never mind asking. :p so anyway, i came into the room and put some cream on my face. as i was doing that, its scent made me feel nostalgic. i was remembering something about my past. something that i guess i placed in the deep recesses of my mind. something that i hid deep inside my brain a long time ago. i didn't think it would come out and make itself known to me again. ahh..the scent, that stupid scent..anyway, as i recalled all those memories again, i thought to myself, why did i ever do such things? i felt like i was so stupid during those times. oh well..i can't do anything about that. it's in my past already. and so i continued the day feeling like i was floating through the events happening around me.

elated

woohoo!

i'm so excited for the training. it's like going back to school again. =D i'll be doing something that i really missed and love doing. kudos to me! yehey!

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babe, thanks for believing in me. mwah!

loneliness

sometimes i want to cry
sometimes i want to break free
sometimes i want to be alone
sometimes i want to rant and rave

why don't i just do that? huh? it seems as if nobody cares about the way i feel.

sometimes i just want to break down and cry and just let all these pent up emotions go free. why can't i? why am i keeping them locked up inside of me? maybe i should just cry it all out... that'd make me feel better i know. yeah... but only for a time. what about tomorrow? what about the day after that? the feelings would all go back... then i'd feel all alone again. i am so lonely... will i ever not be?

thanks

i was frustrated yes. was being the keyword there. anyway, i really was feeling down. i wasn't in my usual mood. anyways, now i'm back to normal. my frustration is still there but it's not as extreme as it was before. and i thank you baby for making me feel better. you alone made me smile and laugh. thank you so much! mwah! i love you baby!

frustrations

i took an exam earlier today. it was something that i was looking forward to. i thought i was ready. i thought i already had the basic knowledge. but then again, it was only what i thought. truth is, i wasn't ready for it. i didn't have enough knowledge. reality hit me when i took the test. it was so hard. i'm so frustrated with myself. i know i could've done a better job. i should've concentrated on reviewing. i should've...but i didn't.

so weak so helpless

i feel so weak. i feel so helpless. why? as much as i try to console myself that nothing wrong is going to happen. why? why do i feel this way? why is it that i think of something negative? oh well..this girl just can't help it. why do they have to talk anyway? what's so important that they need to talk in private? argh! i hate this feeling. i hate it and i don't like the fact that i'm feeling this way. ugh! he said don't worry, didn't he? so why am i still worried? oh my oh my! am i going crazy? no..no more craziness..i should stop being such a paranoid. i hate it when i'm this way. hmm.. i guess i should busy myself with something. i'll just read a book that way i'll get so engrossed with the story maybe i'll forget about that damned thing i'm thinking about.

so i guess this is it..i'll go find a book..au revoir!

communication

have you ever experienced saying something that was misinterpreted? don't you just hate the feeling of being misunderstood?

i've felt this way before and i didn't like it one bit. an innocent comment could be turned into something else. they thought that i wanted to argue with them over something. they thought that i intentionally said those words to hurt them. they got mad at me for some innocent comment that i made.

the situation i just described is something i really would want to avoid. i wouldn't want to be misinterpreted and i wouldn't want to be misunderstood. it's just that sometimes people get mad right away without even realizing that you meant something different. they'd heat up and get into an argument with you. now, this isn't really something i'd like. so how can we prevent this?

i rather think that people should think before saying or doing anything hurtful. we need to realize the effects of the things that we want to say or do. before we react to the things that we hear or read, we need to understand completely what the writer wants to convey to us. the problem is people tend to have different interpretations for a single message. so if we don't understand clearly, we should always ask. we need to clarify things before we even react. or if we react, we should not be over reacting.

so please, if you don't understand clearly what i'm saying. would you please ask me before you even react? communication is the only thing that can resolve all our problems. we need to learn to listen to each other so that we will be able to understand.