the man i love

i've never felt a love so strong. something that i want to fight for. something that i want to last forever. cliche but true.

we are far apart. yet i feel his presence in my life as if he were by my side. he's by my side when i need him. he cares for me. he keeps me company when i'm all alone. he comforts me like nobody else can. he listens when i want to talk. he opened up to me like nobody else does. telling me all about his life. i feel as if i'm a part of him. a part of his life. just as he is a part of mine.

he's older than me. he knows more than i do. he opens up my eyes to the things i never knew. he makes me see how naive i've been. he made me see my mistakes. he helps me grow. he helps me understand the world.

i think i have been blessed to come to know such a man. i learn a lot from him. he's smart. smarter than the people i usually meet. he's read a lot of books and remembers them. he's like my grandfather in a way. reading all kinds of books. remembering and learning from what he reads. i admire that of him.

he knows his craft well. he learns fast. when he wants to do something, he learns things by himself. he shows me his work and i see how fast he's learned and how wonderful his work is. i admit, i envy him in his creativity and in his drive to learn new things.

his memory. God blessed him with such a wonderful memory. he remembers most everything. i envy that of him. i envy the way he can remember his past memories as if it were yesterday. telling me of all the details. how wonderful it would be to have such a memory. i, unfortunately, don't have that. i easily forget.

i've never met a man who takes on responsibilities even when it's not explicitly given to him. he takes it on as it is innately part of his duty of being a son, a brother, a father, an uncle, and last but not least as a boyfriend.

the son. he has been quite a big help to his father. he takes care of his father well. he's always there when his father needs him. he's compromised a lot of things for the sake of his dad. wouldn't a father be proud to have a son like him?

the brother. he's a good brother. he takes care of his younger sister. he helps her in any way he can. he listens when she wants to talk or rant about something. he checks up on his brother's family. making sure they're alright. helping them when they need the help.

the father. he has fathered a child and i admire him for not abandoning the girl and his child. he's supporting the child. he takes care of the baby. he loves the kid. i can see it with the way he talks about his boy. he's proud of how his boy can do this and that. i know sometimes he gets tired of chasing after him, disciplining him and all that comes with taking care of a child. but truth is, the kid is still his and he will always love him.

the uncle. this guy isn't just an uncle to his nieces and nephews. he's a friend to them. he takes care of them..protects them. they all like spending time with him. i guess it's because they have lots of fun with him around.

the boyfriend. he's not only my boyfriend. he's a friend to me. he takes good care of me. he accompanies me when i'm all alone. he talks to me when i need to be pushed into doing something that's good for me. he listens to me when i need him to. he does things for me. he loves me for who i am. he makes me feel important. he makes me feel like a woman. he has made me a part of his life.



ahh..there're still a lot of things i want to say. a lot of things that i can't explain. i cannot put into words everything about him. he means more to me than anybody else. he's the man i love. the man i always think about all throughout the day and night. the man i care about most deeply. someone i would like to take care of...to protect...to share my life with. he's someone i can to talk to about anything that comes to mind. he's someone i can just be with in silence and feel content..happy.

who might this man be? well, i'd like for you all to meet MIGUEL. the man i love.

love...

love...

in my childhood days, i always thought love was easy. that it was something that requires no work. how childlike of me. how naive i had been.

so now that i am in love, i realized how i wrong i was. i didn't know it was going to require me to "work" for it to work. so i always end up not doing the things that i'm supposed to do. i'm bad that way. i guess i don't know how to make a relationship work.

this time around, i want to make it work. i love the man. i want him to be "the one". but for the life of me, i can't imagine why i never deleted those mails. i never wanted him to read that. i'm so guilty because i know it hurt him. i don't want to hurt the man i love.

now that he's read the email, i don't know how i could erase it from his memory. it's hard. he's got such an amazing memory. something i haven't got. he remembers most everything. so how can i erase that memory? by making more memories? maybe..

to my dear miguel:

i'm sorry for my shortcomings. i'm sorry that you read that mail. i'm sorry that that thought is running through your mind right now. i'm sorry for hurting you. i never intended to hurt you. i love you and i want to make it up to you. however hard it may be, i'll try to find a way to make it up to you. i don't know how. i don't know when. but i hope that when i do, it's not too late.

i love you miguel..always remember that.

Heart Attacks and drinking warm water

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks. This makes sense.. the Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals...not cold water...maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!!

Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks: You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...

in the end

the training has come to an end. we were asked to do a project. i know the project could have been better if only we were organized. but we didn't plan it out. we just did what we could. so we passed our project on time but i know it has a lot of bugs and i mean a LOT! grrr! i hate to think about it but i know we could've made it better if only we were given more time. based on what i saw..between my group's project and the others...our project sucked! ugh! i hate the thought of it. but i know i did what i could to save the project. oh well...

so anyway, we still have to do a presentation. hwhaatt?! i'm not comfy with this. i do know what i coded. i understood what i did. but then again, i'm not good with explaining things. i know i'd be so nervous during that time. waaahh!! so what am i gonna do? if given a choice, i wouldn't wanna speak in front of people especially now that i know of all those errors in the project. goodness! i wouldn't know what to say when the error comes up. *sigh*

i miss you

baby, i miss you so much..i know i've been so busy but it's for something that i really2x want and i really2x need. i wish i could be with you day and night. there are times during the day when i dream of the times when we could be together. i long for the moments that we will share...the hugs and the kisses, the cuddling, the romance, the love between us, etc. etc. etc. everyday i look forward to the time when we could spend time together. we chat. we talk on the phone. we send each other text messages. all these stuff combined is still lacking. i always long for the time when you and i will be together. i love you so my silly bear! mwah!

challenge

i wish for the days to go by faster. i wish i could be with you now. how i long to be in your arms..to hug you tight..to kiss you..

i am yours and you are mine. we are made for each other. the world is challenging us. will we make it? and i say, "yes, we shall make it". we'll make this work baby, right?

a little digging

i started digging the world wide web for information relating to the things that are happening to me. and i learned a lot. i read a lot. and i discovered that there are a lot of women experiencing the same thing that i am experiencing right now. so i guess i'm not alone. but still, it's not something that i should take for granted. worst comes to worse, i may have cancer. now tell me, isn't that something one should be afraid of? i guess some people just can't understand the way i'm feeling. they tell me not to worry. they tell me it's not going to be that bad. but who knows, right? the doctor hasn't given her opinion just yet. so i did my own little digging. and that was one of the things that i got. if you were in my place, wouldn't you be afraid? wouldn't you be anxious? i try to be strong but then again, i know i'm not that strong. i'm weak. i cry easily. i'm emotional and all those things.

i can't remember the last time that i went to the hospital where i was the patient. i think (and i'm not sure about this) the last time i was admitted to the hospital was when i was 8 years old. see? can you just imagine? that long. i've pretty much been a healthy kid. so why am i experiencing this now? =( i'm really really not feeling good about this. i'm agitated. i'm soooo nervous. =(

what's my sickness?

i'm sick. i don't really know what's wrong but i know i'm sick. what could be wrong with me? all i can do is wait. i'm agitated. i'm afraid to know yet i really want to know. i'm afraid of all the possible things that could be wrong. i'm afraid that the doctor might say i'm so so so so sick. i'm not feeling ill but this thing that's happening to me is really abnormal. i've never experienced this before. i have always been proud of myself because the last time i could remember i was ever really sick was when i had UTI and that was like 16 or so years ago. so now that i am sick, i'm nervous. i don't really know what to feel. sometimes i'm agitated. sometimes i worry. sometimes i act as if nothing is wrong.

i'm so afraid that the doctor would say i have some fatal disease or some rare disease that doesn't have any cure just yet. =( i'm so afraid.