me in my everyday world

a little bit of life

2009-01-18T00:53:00.003+08:00

for the past year, my life has been quite sedentary. i can't say i regret it but i feel like i'm missing out on something.

so for some part of the year, mostly the last quarter, i tried to go out. i had dinner with friends. i went out to the mall with my officemates after work. it felt good. i felt good and healthy going out with people.

so after all those things, i realized that's what i am missing out on. i'm missing the part where one goes out with friends and just have fun talking and laughing. i guess i miss my friends. we're all so busy now. we don't have much time to spend with each other but i've realized that it's good to go out once in a while. just get together and catch up with things that we missed out on each other's lives.

i don't need to go out and drink like i used to. i just need to have my friends around.

down down down

2008-12-27T00:48:00.003+08:00

up and down, down, down, down, down...down.

have i reached the bottom?

down, down, down...down.

is this the bottom?

down, down, down...down.

never ending. falling into the abyss. feeling empty. feeling blank. feeling lonely.

people everywhere are happy. they sing. they dance. they laugh. they smile. you can see it in their eyes, they're happy.

i sing. i dance. i laugh. i smile. but the smile never reaches my eyes. the laughter doesn't touch my heart.

what is missing?

exist hackathon 2008

2008-11-26T10:59:00.003+08:00

we had this thing at work called hackathon. we only had 12 hours to create an application based on a question given by our director. so tiring but it was worth it. i learned a lot.

at first, i was doubting my ability to learn and code as fast as i can think. but then i did it. i mean, i'm really just a newbie in this RoR world so i don't really know a lot. i was tasked to learn how to work with gruff and i did. i learned it and integrated it into our application.

i got stuck in the middle of the day because my server wasn't working. it wouldn't start up. unfortunately, all seniors were busy. so i had to tinkle around and find a solution. one of those, i solved. i needed some dlls for postgresql. the other thing was solved by one of the seniors. hehe. i couldn't really solve all on my own. but at least i tried. right?

so here's the thing, i got stuck and the solving it part really got me stressed because i was also considering the deadline. good thing somebody helped me. hehe. at least i was able to move on to the next thing.

so we finished our app but then again, i'm not sure if it was working right. some parts were working right. i don't know about some scenarios that i haven't tested though. =D i hope it'll work every time. hehe!

a contest. what is the prize? i don't know yet. but i guess i already got something out of it. i learned. :) that's the biggest thing there. wish me luck!

i hope we win but if we don't, then it's still ok.

for how long?

2008-10-19T21:17:00.003+08:00

i was standing on a cliff

contemplating

i dove into the deep sea below me

not knowing what was there

at first, it felt good

i thought i could take it all

then a wave hit me

i was plunged into the dark waters

after a while, i was afloat

these waves

they keep hitting me hard

still, i am afloat

but then i wonder

for how long?

demoralization

2008-09-24T16:28:00.003+08:00

i hate the way you talk about me. well, not exactly me, but people like me. people who go to the same school as i am. i don't know what's wrong with you. but whatever it is, it has caused other people to suffer all your rude comments. they may be a joke to you but they don't seem that way to us.

you underestimate us. you think we can't do all those things that you do. uh..no..that's not it. you think we can't do even the basic stuff. well, f*ck you!

yeah. yeah. you're an expert. go ahead and brag about it. we do ask you about stuff. that's what juniors usually do. or are you not aware of that? i wish there'd be a time when i can show you i can do complicated stuff without asking for your help.

ugh! i hate you!!!

so...empty...

2008-09-23T23:26:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt like some piece of you is missing? i feel that way. why did i break up with him again? oh yeah..right. it was supposedly the right thing.

*sigh*

i can't help but miss him. i really do love him. and it hurts so much to know that i've hurt him. hurt him bad. i know i can't get things back to the way they were. i know that. but why do i feel this way? why does it have to hurt so bad?

every night, i cry. i cry because i know it's really not meant to be. i cry for everything that i have wished for...for the dreams that have been shattered.

my heart aches for him to give me some sign that he loves me. there's not a minute that he doesn't fill my mind. why? why does it have to be this way? i feel so hollow...so empty.

the right thing

2008-09-21T17:07:00.003+08:00

i did it. i finally did it.

after months of thinking, i finally did it. i did the right thing this time. i let go. it hurts but it's the right thing. i won't be messing up his life any more. he'll be free of me. he can go about his life not feeling guilty about having me in his life.

why does the right thing hurt? *sigh* i had to do it.

it hurts to know that he hates me now. but i don't know of any other way to have done it. i would have wanted us to be friends. but you can't have everything, right?

to you, you know who you are:
i'm sorry for everything. i hope in time you'll forgive me. i'm letting go not because of what we had fought about. i'm letting go because it's the right thing. i know, i know. you'll say why i didn't agree with you the last time. i am selfish. i know that. i really am sorry it had to end this way. you hating me was never on my mind. me hurting you was never intended. yes, i had to do what i had to do. you know how i talked to you about moving out right? i want you to start a new life. i hope that in that new life, you'd be happy. and i do love you. more than you think.

bogus bug

2008-09-10T11:53:00.003+08:00

i just hate how people say there's something wrong when there really was nothing wrong. then they act as if it's all my fault. getting annoyed, eh? i, too, am annoyed at you! stupid. you didn't even check it. you should've made sure that there's supposed to be something there. there really wasn't anything that was supposed to be there. nothing! stupid. i would've appreciated it if it were some real mistake i did. but it wasn't. goodness! i am so annoyed at you and you and you!

huh! you think you can just make people feel that way because you're so good already? is that so? well, i don't think so.

i hate IE

2008-08-20T14:23:00.003+08:00

arrrgh! i hate you!

my head is aching trying to solve this problem. the design is ok on firefox and other browsers. why oh why can't it be ok in IE?

this gap..this stupid gap..it appears and disappears as i scroll up and down while viewing the page. why does this happen? arrgh! and only in IE!!! =(

bad mood so early in the morning

2008-08-20T10:20:00.002+08:00

it's still very early in the morning and i'm really not in a good mood. i hate the fact that she ruined my day. why can't she just allow me to do the things i wanna do? why?

i hate being in that house. i don't know what to do. i want to move out but i don't have enough money to live on my own. not yet anyway.

i'd like to be free. free from them. free from all of their nagging.

help me. free me.

up and down the rollercoaster

2008-08-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

most of the time i feel happy. happy because he makes me happy. happy because i'm spending my time with him. but then again, there really are times when i feel so down. and i cry because of him. not that it's his fault. i cry because i can't be with him. i cry because i'm frustrated that i can't be with him. i knew from the start that we'd be far apart but still i continued this relationship for the simple fact that i love him. but this long distance thing is really hard. it's pulling me down. making me sad. i can't be totally happy because i can't be with him. so no matter how much we love each other, we always end up fighting. not his fault, mine.

yeah yeah yeah..i know i keep complaining..maybe i just don't know how to handle such a relationship. maybe it's the fact that i can't accept that we can't be together. maybe it's because i expect too much and so i get disappointed a lot. and maybe..it's because i am so idealistic..because as my friends would say, i am a perfectionist(?). am i? could these things be the reason behind all these arguments? maybe they are. i really don't know. enlighten me.

lonely

2008-07-21T23:48:00.003+08:00

it's almost my birthday but i'm not happy.

i've never felt so lonely before. i feel like i have no one to talk to who will understand how i feel. i need a friend but my friends are busy and i don't think they'd understand how i'm feeling.

let me just let it all out..

2008-07-04T15:56:00.003+08:00

i hate you. i hate you for making me feel this way. i hate the fact that i still love you after everything that you do to me. i hate you! you make me feel insecure. i hate you! you made me lose my confidence. i hate you! i hate you! i hate you!

trying

2008-07-02T17:10:00.003+08:00

i'm trying hard...really hard...but it seems i can't do it. =(

i have been trying for months to forget what you said to me.

i'm trying my best not to get affected.

i'm trying to let you go but i can't. i keep finding myself holding on to you.

i am hurting because of my stupidity.

after all the hurt i've suffered, i still love you...but i wish i don't. =(

Wear sunscreen

2008-06-23T18:26:00.002+08:00

some article that i found on the net..i hope you'll like it. =)

A Column That Was Only Written, Never Delivered

Published: August 6, 1997

Following is the text of the newspaper column by Mary Schmich that has been erroneously identified on the Internet as a speech by Kurt Vonnegut.
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 1997:
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Oh worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 P.M. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.

broken

2008-06-22T00:27:00.003+08:00

Taken from wikipedia....

A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain one feels after losing a loved one, through death, divorce, or other means as in breaking up with someone or having your partner move away. It is an extremely old and widespread metaphor that dates back to at least the time of the Ramayana where it was commonly used .

Heartbreak is usually associated with losing a spouse or loved one, though losing a parent, child, pet, or close friend can also "break one's heart".

The symptoms of a "broken heart" can manifest themselves through psychological pain but for many the effect is physical. Although the experience is regarded commonly as indescribable, the following is a list of common symptoms that occur:

A perceived tightness of the chest, similar to an anxiety attack
Stomach ache and/or loss of appetite
Partial or complete insomnia
Anger
Shock
Nostalgia
Apathy (loss of interest)
Feelings of loneliness
Feelings of hopelessness and despair
Loss of self-respect and/or self-esteem
Medical or psychological illness (e.g. depression)
Suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
Nausea
Denial
Fatigue
The thousand-yard stare
Constant or Frequent crying
A feeling of complete emptiness

wow! i got 13 out of 18 symptoms..i guess i am broken..

bad day

2008-06-16T13:23:00.003+08:00

Having a hard time breathing.
My drink spilling over me.
Losing money in my account.

yes. it all happened to me in a single day.

first thing happened when i got inside sm. i suddenly felt so cold and i found it hard to breathe. i don't know what happened inside me but that was how i felt.

second thing happened while we were waiting for our dinner at big mao. this supposedly "new" waiter spilled lemonade over me. ugh! good thing i just bought a dress coz i was able to use it right that day.

third thing on the list happened when we stopped by an RCBC bank so i could withdraw my pay from work. i first checked my balance and OH MY! it only read Php467.00. whaaat??!! i couldn't believe it. then i realized that i tried to withdraw money from that account last friday from a BPI atm machine. the transaction was cancelled so my account balance shouldn't have been deducted. but then again, stupid atm machines. my account now has only Php467.00.

so today i had to go to the bank and report what happened but it would still take days and days of waiting before i'd get my money back. =( oh well...at least i'd get my money back, right?

my trip to manila

2008-06-13T15:33:00.003+08:00

a few days ago my sister asked me to go to manila. she told me i could borrow the money for the plane fare from her. so i went. i spent a few days in luzon.

my flight to manila was supposed to be leaving at 705 pm. so i had to be there by 6pm. i came in the office early friday morning so i could leave early to catch the plane. the plan was to leave by 5pm. on the way to the airport, we had to fetch mom and my brother's wife and baby at sm. it took us a long time because of the traffic. there was traffic going to sm and there was even more traffic on our way to the airport. waaaa! i was going to be late. i couldn't calm down. i was in a panic thinking i couldn't board the plane. fortunately for me, the flight was delayed. yes! hehe..i was told by the cebu pacific employee at the check-in counter that the flight was delayed for 30 mins. yey for me! =) so i was able to get on the plane and even found my office mate as one of my seat mates. ate ended up waiting for me outside the airport for quite a few mins.

so i got there. i was in manila. first things first, we had to eat dinner. so we went to serendra and ate at chelsea. it was an italian restaurant. we ordered macaroni and pizza. we tried their baby back ribs pizza and believe me, i'm never going to order that dish again. it was ok but it's not something you'd want to eat again and again. loved the macaroni dish though. =) that's coz i'm a pasta kinda girl. after dinner, we went to my sister's apartment to get some rest. we planned for our saturday activities and then slept.

on saturday, we went out early to fetch my sister's friend, dinah. after that the 3 of us went to binondo to eat some dumplings. yum! we had a very delicious meal. though we ended up smelling like dumplings for the rest of the afternoon. hehe.. after eating our lunch, we walked all the way to divisoria. specifically to the 168 mall. i bought a lot of shirts. some for selling and some for myself. i bought a lot of things both for selling and for myself. after our divisoria escapade, we walked back to binondo to buy sugar free hopia for our grandmother.

after all that, we were all tired and wanted to get a massage so we went to wensha's. first thing we had to do was get one of those bracelets that indicated you were a customer. so we got those and then we had to change into the slippers that they had. we then went to their locker room where we were pointed to our respective lockers based on the numbers on our bracelets and given towels. we then showered which was also good coz we all felt sticky and we smelled. hehe. so anyway, after that we were asked to put on the robes they provided without our undies. at first i thought it was ok since i had on a robe anyway. then we went to their dining room to wait for our turn. the massage came with a free buffet ticket which was shabu-shabu. you know that korean type of cooking food in soup. anyway, so we inquired if there were therapists who could treat us with a massage. after a few mins, we were led to a big long room where there were lots of beds you could lay down on. we waited for the therapists there. at last they came and asked me to undress and then lie on the bed. so i took off the top of my robe and i thought that was ok but then they asked me to take off the shorts. waaa! so i was naked! they were going to massage me naked! what?! i wasn't too comfortable with the idea but then i just conceded. the massage was great. i was just not comfortable about the part that i was naked. after our massages, we had our shabu-shabu meal for dinner and some ice cream for dessert.

on sunday, we had to wake up early to beat the traffic. we went to "the fort" to have some breakfast. after eating, we continued travelling towards tarlac. my grandparents were waiting for us. we arrived at about lunch time. we were greeted by our grandfather. we then proceeded to their room where my grandmother was lying on a hospital bed. she had a smile on her face. that was good. that was what we were there for. to make them both happy and not feel so lonely. after the greetings, we had lunch and then we took a nap. a nap that lasted for quite a long time. lol! 3 hrs of sleeping. is that still considered as taking a nap? after sleeping, we took our baths and went to church. we then went back home since lola was alone. we had our dinner there. we ate some of my favorites which are bagis and fried tilapia. yummy! after dinner, we talked or rather lolo talked and we listened. when lolo was getting tired, we watched television. there really wasn't anything much you could do there but eat, talk, watch tv, read books and sleep. after a few hours of watching television, i slept out of boredom.

monday morning was sort of a busy day for us. we went downtown to find a new refrigerator for lolo. their old one wasn't really working anymore. some of the food got stale. ugh! first thing we did when we got there was to eat halo-halo at the famous razon's. yummy! then we went to about three stores before we found the refrigerator that lolo wanted. after that we went out for lunch. we ate at rustica's. the food was ok. we then went back to the house to say our goodbyes to lolo and lola. it was something that i've always dreaded. leaving them behind is such a sad moment. i could see lolo's eyes were sad. =(

we travelled back to manila and immediately went to trinoma. the mall was huge. we wanted to watch a movie but the line was reallllllllly long. so we opted to eat some ice cream at five cows. the ice cream was great. but the service was not so great. they wrote down the wrong dish for our order of nachos and took a long time to give us our order. tsk! not a very good thing to do. so anyway, we went to glorietta to watch the movie "sex and the city". we had fun watching the movie. had a lot of laughs most of them due to charlotte. then we drove around the city to find a place to eat. we kept on driving around and eventually decided to just go home and get some rest.

tuesday wasn't very eventful. there was nothing much that we did. first off we went to MOA. ate wanted some pictures to be printed but then the printer at fuji was weird. it would print a 2-inch green strip on your photo. who would want that? so we decided to eat first. we ate at pho hoa, a vietnamese restaurant. afterwards, we went walking and found a boutique named calliope. we went in found some great hats. we took pictures of ourselves wearing the hats but we didn't really buy any. hehe. we bought some clothes though.

we then went to afpslai to get ate's bank book and deposit some funds. after that we went to atc where she had some of her pictures printed. she wanted to join this contest their photography club had. we ate ice cream while waiting for her pictures. we then went to her office so she could submit her pictures. i ended up watching dinah and their other office mates practicing a dance. it was fun watching them. i sort of missed my dancing days. we then went out for dinner. we ate at a korean restaurant this time. that was great for me since i really wanted to try eating at a korean restaurant. after dinner, we bought cakes at bizu and brought them to starbucks where they had their coffee and i had my hot chocolate.

we woke up late on wednesday since we couldn't get out early. my sister's car was only allowed on the streets from 10am-3pm and after 7pm. first thing we did was to get dinah and then we were on our way to tagaytay. they wanted to eat at buon giorno's. they weren't familiar as to where we could find the place. so we ended up going back and forth until we finally found the place. it was an italian restaurant. as usual, we ordered pasta and pizza. dinah ordered risotto. the food was really delicious. after eating, we took some pictures. we then went to a coffee place. i forgot the name though. after coffee, we then started to go back to manila.

dinah went home first. ate and i went to festival mall to get our manicures and pedicures. we then had dinner at sango's. their burgers were quite unique and very delicious. we then had an early night since i was going to fly back to home thursday at dawn.

so that ends my trip to manila. =) had fun thanks to ate.

bogus friend

2008-06-05T17:36:00.003+08:00

i am not talking about the movie "Bogus". i am talking about a friend who is bogus. a fake. a fraud. a person who pretends to be a friend when she needs a friend.

i've got this supposed friend from college. we used to always go places together. that was way back in college. now that we have work, she seems to remember that friendship only when she needs someone to talk to..especially when she has a problem. that is the time that she becomes the "friend". but then when i need a friend, where is she? she couldn't even hold up to her word to meet up somewhere. oh yes. what a good friend you are.

i hate you. you're only around when you need me. what about when i need you? huh! let's see what'll happen when you don't get to have a friend when you need one.

can't figure it out

2008-06-03T16:57:00.003+08:00

i can't seem to figure it out.

sometimes it seems as if he wants me to be there always. sometimes it seems as if i am nothing. so what is it really? i don't know how it's supposed to be. i guess everything that's happening between us is confusing me. you confuse me. i confuse myself. everything is a jumble of words and emotions. i'm not so sure what you want. i know i want you by my side. what about you? what do you really want? tell me. don't leave me hanging like this. don't just come and go as you please.

long time no blog

2008-06-02T16:58:00.003+08:00

it's been more than a month since my last post. a lot has happened that i regret and a lot that i also totally enjoyed.

here goes...

last april 25, i went to cagayan de oro (cdo) with some of my officemates. when we got there, we immediately went to our hotel and changed for our rafting adventure. it was a lot of fun. we were first told of the rules, the commands that they were going to use and what they meant. even though i know i wasn't allowed to do such a sport, i still joined. hehe! and after that, i cried because of the pain i felt in my forearms. stupid me, huh! well anyway, i enjoyed the rafting part. it was such a thrill. all we needed was a little coordination. you can view the video of our rafting adventure on youtube. click here.
after we went rafting, we went back to the hotel only to change and go out again. we went to sm cdo to buy some essentials that we forgot to bring. we then went out for dinner. yum! hehe. after that we went back to the hotel because it was pouring. we just stayed in the room and played uno. hmm..don't know what to call it except uno. anyway, it was the type of uno where you played with blocks not the cards.
next day, we went "hiking" at gardens of malasag. it was sort of an ecotour. there were lots of animals and flowers. the view was wonderful. they had this hanging bridge (a small one) and we crossed it. unfortunately, i got cut by the wires holding the bridge up. tsk! bad...
we then went to their famous lim ket kai mall where we took our lunch and bought "pasalubong" for our families and friends. i had a bad moment there though. =( i was supposed to meet someone special to me. but his fear took over him and so he just asked his cousin to meet me. =( bad...
so after malling, we bought something for dinner and went to the pier to catch our boat. had a bit of a cry while everybody else was sleeping and woke up feeling like a zombie. i was tired and depressed. too bad for me.
oh well, at least i had fun before that incident happened. thanks a lot to my colleague for inviting us to his hometown.

after that, our company held a training for Ruby on Rails (RoR). i really really wanted the opportunity to join the training. so i asked my CDG (career development guide) if i could join the training since she's also the manager for those projects using the RoR language. she said she'd talk to the organizers of the training. so i waited. then they told me, i wasn't qualified to join the training since i had a client project. what the?!
it's not that i'm being rude or anything but then it sucks having a project that doesn't really require you to do much. i can't really learn anything while i'm on this project. i've told my superior just that. i told him, this project doesn't give me any opportunity to learn more. i'm stuck to where i am.
yeah yeah. i know what other people would say. i could read up some stuff and learn on my own. yes, that is true. i could and i know that i'd learn but since i won't be able to apply what i've learned to anything, it's practically useless. my learning would only end up to there. i won't be able to really explore whatever it is i am learning.
ok..so back to the topic now. i really wanted to join the training. one fateful day, as luck would have it. one of the organizers of the training asked me if i'd still want to join the training. the training had already started for a week so i'd be coming in late and i'd have to catch up with all their exercises. nevertheless, i was confident that i could catch up and do all those exercises. huh! i was able to catch up with all the lessons. i learned as much as they had learned but i wasn't able to catch up with all the exercises. i failed to pass 1 of the exercises. oooops!! =D
we had a project to end the training. we were asked to create a social networking site in 5 days. wow! that's really fast. we were able to do it but with less features than your basic social network. for one, we forgot to put in a messaging system. lol! anyway, we were able to get the users to login/logout, add existing users as friends, invite their friends to become members of the site, search some members, upload photos and we also had a profile restriction feature. i know we've got a lot of features missing but hey, 5 days was all we had. actually that was 3 days since our first 2 days were spent on planning and discussing our project.
so even though i started late, i believe i was able to learn a lot. i was able to do things i didn't think i could do in a short span of time. and by the way, we won! =p

i'm keeping some things to myself. especially those stuff that i regret having said or done. but those are the highlights of my apr 25 - may 30 life. =)

dying inside

2008-04-22T01:31:00.002+08:00

everytime i think about us i cry.
everyday..every single day, i remember your mail. it makes me cry.
there is nothing i can do to stop myself. i cry because it hurts.
it hurts to know that there's nothing else i can do to make everything ok.
much as i want to make things better. fix things. i know you don't want to. not anymore.
you've given up on us. and there's nothing more i can do about it.
i love you more than anybody else i've ever loved.
i guess this is how it is. how it'll be from now on.
i'll have to satisfy myself knowing you are there to talk to me..to listen to me.
thank you. even though we just play at times and not talk.
thank you for making your presence felt.
i don't want you to think that this is just a girl thing.
no. this isn't just a girl thing.
this is the first time i've ever felt this way.
i've never felt so hurt before.
i'm dying. dying inside. it's killing me. this pain is killing me.

goodbye to my love

2008-04-20T23:10:00.004+08:00

i am really miserable. nothing can lift me out of this. only you my dear can make me feel better. funny how you are the cause and the only cure to my pain. i cannot imagine life without you. i cannot...

how will i ever face my tomorrows? what will happen to all my dreams? what is happiness without you?

you wish for me to be happy. but how? how do i do that? how i can i be happy?

i lost you again.. =(

and this time, we can never be together again. =(

why is it so hard for me? you seem to be taking it easy. how do you do that? how can i not do the same thing? why is it not easy for me? why?

i guess this is goodbye. goodbye to you my love. i will never forget you. i will never forget the love we shared. but then there's no other way to do it. we have to say goodbye.

one last time let me just say it.... i love you my silly bear

bye love

sad

2008-03-27T01:33:00.003+08:00

sad. so sad.. =( i'm not sure what i should do. i feel like everything is falling... apart. =(

valentines

2008-02-14T02:29:00.003+08:00

it's valentines once again. a not so ordinary day for everyone.

but an ordinary day for me... =(

i can't spend my time with the one i love. =((

sorry

2008-02-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

i wanted to be the person who will always make you happy. that when u think of me, you would smile. i wanted to be that girl.

instead i annoy you. i bother you too much with all my questions. i'm being too inquisitive.

i'm sorry. i cannot help myself.

shattered

2008-01-07T00:47:00.000+08:00

new year. new beginning.

that's how it's supposed to be, right? not for me. i don't have the urge to live the life i want to live. there's something that i really really want. i'd give everything to have that something. but it just isn't supposed to be mine. i'm slowly losing my will to continue living my life the way i want it to be. my dreams of that something have shattered. i don't know if i'll be able to dream new dreams as wonderful as those i've lost.

special request

2007-12-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

i didn't know and it wouldn't have mattered had i known before. she asked that i go there. it wouldn't really have mattered whether she asked or not. i would have gone there anyway. what did matter to me was the fact that she asked for me and not someone else. i could not and still can't fathom why of all people she asked for me. i've never been the best granddaughter she could ever have had. i was always trying to rebel..to get out of the responsibility of having to take care of her. i have been trying to escape my responsibilities as her granddaughter and yet, there it was.

despite all the bad things i've done or how badly i acted in front of her, she was looking..asking for me.

goodbye my lover by james blunt

2007-11-28T00:05:00.000+08:00

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

missing you

2007-11-06T02:03:00.001+08:00

slowly they come from my eyes
slowly they come down
down my cheeks
down my face

dripping
my tears are dripping
from the loneliness
of missing you

imagining

2007-10-04T14:35:00.000+08:00

you're sleeping beside me. unaware as i watch you in deep slumber. i caress your face. move your hair off your face to show your handsome face. i kiss you gently..light as a feather, my lips touched your cheek. you stirred and smiled in your sleep. twas as if you knew i was kissing you. loving the feel of you beside me, i lay my head on your chest. i hugged you as i was waiting for sleep to come over me. i listened to your heart beat. before sleep conquered me, i whispered to your ear "i love you". then i surrendered to mr sandman's magic. i slept.

i wish

2007-09-15T11:25:00.000+08:00

by rachel anne

i wish you'd come
and take this pain away
will you support me
as i start to sway?

please catch me
as i fall
will you heed me
when i call?

please hold me
before i topple over
hug me tight
and tell me it's not over

whisper in my ears
you love me
that together, you and i
were meant to be

listen

2007-09-11T13:07:00.000+08:00

by rachel anne

listen to the sound of my heart beating
listen as it tells you how i'm feeling

understand the way i feel
and know that it is real

know that i am sincere
for you, my love, i'll persevere

you'll forever be in my heart
even though we're far apart

you have touched the core of my being
and it is only you that my heart is seeking

silly

2007-09-07T14:52:00.001+08:00

mwah! i love you silly baby! hehehe..kulit au ka here..but i love love love the pic..hehe

so proud..

2007-09-04T18:06:00.000+08:00

hihi..just so proud of my baby's work..

i am on my own

2007-08-26T18:53:00.000+08:00

empty as the night sky
falling and falling
deep into the abyss
as i keep on calling

nobody heard
and nobody cared
to give me a hand
when i was scared

they all left me
to stand alone
as if to say
"you're on your own"

so i stopped calling
all alone i would keep
and when i get scared
i'd stay in my room to weep

for how long will this be?
i am drowning in misery
when will my hero come?
to take me out of my misery

shoot!

2007-07-15T16:49:00.000+08:00

some people are just meant to makes our lives miserable. why oh why?! i hate it when you feel like you're all that and more! grr! why is it that you can do what you want and i am not supposed to do this and that?? why is it that everything has to be about you?? you think you're so perfect? do you?! argh! you're so caught up with yourself. don't think you're all that coz you're not! definitely not! wake up and see how other people see you. maybe then you'd realize what you're not.

the man i love

2007-06-30T19:17:00.000+08:00

i've never felt a love so strong. something that i want to fight for. something that i want to last forever. cliche but true.

we are far apart. yet i feel his presence in my life as if he were by my side. he's by my side when i need him. he cares for me. he keeps me company when i'm all alone. he comforts me like nobody else can. he listens when i want to talk. he opened up to me like nobody else does. telling me all about his life. i feel as if i'm a part of him. a part of his life. just as he is a part of mine.

he's older than me. he knows more than i do. he opens up my eyes to the things i never knew. he makes me see how naive i've been. he made me see my mistakes. he helps me grow. he helps me understand the world.

i think i have been blessed to come to know such a man. i learn a lot from him. he's smart. smarter than the people i usually meet. he's read a lot of books and remembers them. he's like my grandfather in a way. reading all kinds of books. remembering and learning from what he reads. i admire that of him.

he knows his craft well. he learns fast. when he wants to do something, he learns things by himself. he shows me his work and i see how fast he's learned and how wonderful his work is. i admit, i envy him in his creativity and in his drive to learn new things.

his memory. God blessed him with such a wonderful memory. he remembers most everything. i envy that of him. i envy the way he can remember his past memories as if it were yesterday. telling me of all the details. how wonderful it would be to have such a memory. i, unfortunately, don't have that. i easily forget.

i've never met a man who takes on responsibilities even when it's not explicitly given to him. he takes it on as it is innately part of his duty of being a son, a brother, a father, an uncle, and last but not least as a boyfriend.

the son. he has been quite a big help to his father. he takes care of his father well. he's always there when his father needs him. he's compromised a lot of things for the sake of his dad. wouldn't a father be proud to have a son like him?

the brother. he's a good brother. he takes care of his younger sister. he helps her in any way he can. he listens when she wants to talk or rant about something. he checks up on his brother's family. making sure they're alright. helping them when they need the help.

the father. he has fathered a child and i admire him for not abandoning the girl and his child. he's supporting the child. he takes care of the baby. he loves the kid. i can see it with the way he talks about his boy. he's proud of how his boy can do this and that. i know sometimes he gets tired of chasing after him, disciplining him and all that comes with taking care of a child. but truth is, the kid is still his and he will always love him.

the uncle. this guy isn't just an uncle to his nieces and nephews. he's a friend to them. he takes care of them..protects them. they all like spending time with him. i guess it's because they have lots of fun with him around.

the boyfriend. he's not only my boyfriend. he's a friend to me. he takes good care of me. he accompanies me when i'm all alone. he talks to me when i need to be pushed into doing something that's good for me. he listens to me when i need him to. he does things for me. he loves me for who i am. he makes me feel important. he makes me feel like a woman. he has made me a part of his life.

ahh..there're still a lot of things i want to say. a lot of things that i can't explain. i cannot put into words everything about him. he means more to me than anybody else. he's the man i love. the man i always think about all throughout the day and night. the man i care about most deeply. someone i would like to take care of...to protect...to share my life with. he's someone i can to talk to about anything that comes to mind. he's someone i can just be with in silence and feel content..happy.

who might this man be? well, i'd like for you all to meet MIGUEL. the man i love.

love...

2007-06-29T16:23:00.000+08:00

love...

in my childhood days, i always thought love was easy. that it was something that requires no work. how childlike of me. how naive i had been.

so now that i am in love, i realized how i wrong i was. i didn't know it was going to require me to "work" for it to work. so i always end up not doing the things that i'm supposed to do. i'm bad that way. i guess i don't know how to make a relationship work.

this time around, i want to make it work. i love the man. i want him to be "the one". but for the life of me, i can't imagine why i never deleted those mails. i never wanted him to read that. i'm so guilty because i know it hurt him. i don't want to hurt the man i love.

now that he's read the email, i don't know how i could erase it from his memory. it's hard. he's got such an amazing memory. something i haven't got. he remembers most everything. so how can i erase that memory? by making more memories? maybe..

to my dear miguel:

i'm sorry for my shortcomings. i'm sorry that you read that mail. i'm sorry that that thought is running through your mind right now. i'm sorry for hurting you. i never intended to hurt you. i love you and i want to make it up to you. however hard it may be, i'll try to find a way to make it up to you. i don't know how. i don't know when. but i hope that when i do, it's not too late.

i love you miguel..always remember that.

Heart Attacks and drinking warm water

2007-06-24T20:12:00.000+08:00

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about heart attacks. This makes sense.. the Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals...not cold water...maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!!

Nothing to lose, everything to gain...

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this "sludge" reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks: You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive...

in the end

2007-06-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

the training has come to an end. we were asked to do a project. i know the project could have been better if only we were organized. but we didn't plan it out. we just did what we could. so we passed our project on time but i know it has a lot of bugs and i mean a LOT! grrr! i hate to think about it but i know we could've made it better if only we were given more time. based on what i saw..between my group's project and the others...our project sucked! ugh! i hate the thought of it. but i know i did what i could to save the project. oh well...

so anyway, we still have to do a presentation. hwhaatt?! i'm not comfy with this. i do know what i coded. i understood what i did. but then again, i'm not good with explaining things. i know i'd be so nervous during that time. waaahh!! so what am i gonna do? if given a choice, i wouldn't wanna speak in front of people especially now that i know of all those errors in the project. goodness! i wouldn't know what to say when the error comes up. *sigh*

i miss you

2007-06-22T01:09:00.000+08:00

baby, i miss you so much..i know i've been so busy but it's for something that i really2x want and i really2x need. i wish i could be with you day and night. there are times during the day when i dream of the times when we could be together. i long for the moments that we will share...the hugs and the kisses, the cuddling, the romance, the love between us, etc. etc. etc. everyday i look forward to the time when we could spend time together. we chat. we talk on the phone. we send each other text messages. all these stuff combined is still lacking. i always long for the time when you and i will be together. i love you so my silly bear! mwah!

challenge

2007-06-11T15:30:00.000+08:00

i wish for the days to go by faster. i wish i could be with you now. how i long to be in your arms..to hug you tight..to kiss you..

i am yours and you are mine. we are made for each other. the world is challenging us. will we make it? and i say, "yes, we shall make it". we'll make this work baby, right?

a little digging

2007-06-04T21:36:00.000+08:00

i started digging the world wide web for information relating to the things that are happening to me. and i learned a lot. i read a lot. and i discovered that there are a lot of women experiencing the same thing that i am experiencing right now. so i guess i'm not alone. but still, it's not something that i should take for granted. worst comes to worse, i may have cancer. now tell me, isn't that something one should be afraid of? i guess some people just can't understand the way i'm feeling. they tell me not to worry. they tell me it's not going to be that bad. but who knows, right? the doctor hasn't given her opinion just yet. so i did my own little digging. and that was one of the things that i got. if you were in my place, wouldn't you be afraid? wouldn't you be anxious? i try to be strong but then again, i know i'm not that strong. i'm weak. i cry easily. i'm emotional and all those things.

i can't remember the last time that i went to the hospital where i was the patient. i think (and i'm not sure about this) the last time i was admitted to the hospital was when i was 8 years old. see? can you just imagine? that long. i've pretty much been a healthy kid. so why am i experiencing this now? =( i'm really really not feeling good about this. i'm agitated. i'm soooo nervous. =(

what's my sickness?

2007-06-02T21:59:00.000+08:00

i'm sick. i don't really know what's wrong but i know i'm sick. what could be wrong with me? all i can do is wait. i'm agitated. i'm afraid to know yet i really want to know. i'm afraid of all the possible things that could be wrong. i'm afraid that the doctor might say i'm so so so so sick. i'm not feeling ill but this thing that's happening to me is really abnormal. i've never experienced this before. i have always been proud of myself because the last time i could remember i was ever really sick was when i had UTI and that was like 16 or so years ago. so now that i am sick, i'm nervous. i don't really know what to feel. sometimes i'm agitated. sometimes i worry. sometimes i act as if nothing is wrong.

i'm so afraid that the doctor would say i have some fatal disease or some rare disease that doesn't have any cure just yet. =( i'm so afraid.

ill at ease

2007-05-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

i am ill at ease. i feel like there's something amiss in our relationship. something has changed. it's not the lack of time. no, i don't think that's it. it seems as though he's tired of the situation. could he be? how would i know? unless he tells me so, i'd be in the dark about it.

most of the time, i feel so loved. but then, there are times when i feel so down and depressed. i feel like nobody, not even him, loves or cares for me and how i feel. *sigh*

i know he says he loves me and he shows me that. but there's really something missing. i don't know what it is exactly. he may be holding out. i wouldn't really know. i don't know what to feel exactly. all i know, is that when that piece of the puzzle shows itself to me, that'll be the time that i'd feel at ease.

it hasn't come just yet. that piece of the puzzle that i'm looking for. i don't know when it'll be coming my way. i do want to have that piece placed in the puzzle. then i'd be complete. i'd feel as happy as any human being could possibly be. i'd feel contented. i guess i'd be satisfied.

the only thing i can do is love you

2007-05-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

i am at a loss. i don't know what to do. if you can't feel the intensity of my love for you. what am i to do? i'd do anything to make you happy. i love you with all my heart. but then again, you say i don't love you much. how can that be? when all i ever think about is you. you're always on my mind. a single hint that you are sad and i get agitated. i keep thinking what i've done wrong to make you feel so sad. at times you get so mad at me, i keep thinking what i could do so you won't be mad anymore. how can i ease your mind? i love you, you know that. the only thing i can do is love you.

time scheduling

2007-05-14T22:37:00.000+08:00

i've been so busy for the past week. i had my first week of training at exist. ahh..it's fun. it's challenging. i enjoy being challenged. but then again, it keeps me sooooo busy. i so need to organize my time schedule. tsk! but then again, the pleasures of life tempts me so. even if i allot a specific number of hours for my fave thing to do, i'd always end up exceeding that time limit. i should discipline myself, yes. but..here i go again..with all the BUTs i can come up with. hehe! i'm really so addicted to the internet. i can't help it. it's sort of my lifeline. hehe! i really do need to figure out how i can do all the things that i NEED to do and all the things that i LOVE doing.

pushing

2007-05-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

i can't understand the reason why you keep pushing me away. i know you've been hurt. i know how that feels. it sucks. i wouldn't wanna be in that situation again. i know you wouldn't also. but please...please trust me. trust in our love or rather trust in my love for you. i chose to love you and i stand by my choice. for as long as i can, i'll stay. just please, don't push me too hard. don't push me away. it's not easy loving someone who's far away. it's really not but i'm trying my best to make our relationship as normal as can be. but it's really hard to do that when you keep pushing me away from you. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself upon you. am i? it hurts so much everytime you push me away. i mean..do you really love me? why can't you fight for our love? do you think i'm just playing around? is that why you're so afraid?

i'm asking you to please trust me. i love you and i'm not going to let go that easy. if you can't trust me, this really isn't going to work. but i sooo want this to work. don't you?

longings and dreams

2007-04-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

i long to spend my days with you. i wish i'm there right now. i'd like to take care of you. i'd love to be there for you when you're sick, when you're down and especially when you're happy. i'd like to share with you my every day.

i've dreamed of strolling the malls holding your hand. i've dreamed of sitting around watching tv and cuddling. i've dreamed of spending a day at the beach with you...eating dinner together...a lot of things have gone through my mind that i'm wishing i could do with you.

for now, they remain to be dreams. i hope they will come true in the future.

nostalgia

2007-04-19T13:09:00.000+08:00

a post on my wednesday morning:

i woke up late as usual. it was already 8:10 when i woke up. so i waited for my bro to finish using the bathroom. i showered and did all my morning ceremonies. whatever they are, never mind asking. :p so anyway, i came into the room and put some cream on my face. as i was doing that, its scent made me feel nostalgic. i was remembering something about my past. something that i guess i placed in the deep recesses of my mind. something that i hid deep inside my brain a long time ago. i didn't think it would come out and make itself known to me again. ahh..the scent, that stupid scent..anyway, as i recalled all those memories again, i thought to myself, why did i ever do such things? i felt like i was so stupid during those times. oh well..i can't do anything about that. it's in my past already. and so i continued the day feeling like i was floating through the events happening around me.

elated

2007-04-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

woohoo!

i'm so excited for the training. it's like going back to school again. =D i'll be doing something that i really missed and love doing. kudos to me! yehey!

---------

babe, thanks for believing in me. mwah!

loneliness

2007-04-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes i want to cry
sometimes i want to break free
sometimes i want to be alone
sometimes i want to rant and rave

why don't i just do that? huh? it seems as if nobody cares about the way i feel.

sometimes i just want to break down and cry and just let all these pent up emotions go free. why can't i? why am i keeping them locked up inside of me? maybe i should just cry it all out... that'd make me feel better i know. yeah... but only for a time. what about tomorrow? what about the day after that? the feelings would all go back... then i'd feel all alone again. i am so lonely... will i ever not be?

thanks

2007-04-14T01:17:00.000+08:00

i was frustrated yes. was being the keyword there. anyway, i really was feeling down. i wasn't in my usual mood. anyways, now i'm back to normal. my frustration is still there but it's not as extreme as it was before. and i thank you baby for making me feel better. you alone made me smile and laugh. thank you so much! mwah! i love you baby!

frustrations

2007-04-13T20:17:00.000+08:00

i took an exam earlier today. it was something that i was looking forward to. i thought i was ready. i thought i already had the basic knowledge. but then again, it was only what i thought. truth is, i wasn't ready for it. i didn't have enough knowledge. reality hit me when i took the test. it was so hard. i'm so frustrated with myself. i know i could've done a better job. i should've concentrated on reviewing. i should've...but i didn't.

so weak so helpless

2007-04-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

i feel so weak. i feel so helpless. why? as much as i try to console myself that nothing wrong is going to happen. why? why do i feel this way? why is it that i think of something negative? oh well..this girl just can't help it. why do they have to talk anyway? what's so important that they need to talk in private? argh! i hate this feeling. i hate it and i don't like the fact that i'm feeling this way. ugh! he said don't worry, didn't he? so why am i still worried? oh my oh my! am i going crazy? no..no more craziness..i should stop being such a paranoid. i hate it when i'm this way. hmm.. i guess i should busy myself with something. i'll just read a book that way i'll get so engrossed with the story maybe i'll forget about that damned thing i'm thinking about.

so i guess this is it..i'll go find a book..au revoir!

communication

2007-04-06T21:03:00.000+08:00

have you ever experienced saying something that was misinterpreted? don't you just hate the feeling of being misunderstood?

i've felt this way before and i didn't like it one bit. an innocent comment could be turned into something else. they thought that i wanted to argue with them over something. they thought that i intentionally said those words to hurt them. they got mad at me for some innocent comment that i made.

the situation i just described is something i really would want to avoid. i wouldn't want to be misinterpreted and i wouldn't want to be misunderstood. it's just that sometimes people get mad right away without even realizing that you meant something different. they'd heat up and get into an argument with you. now, this isn't really something i'd like. so how can we prevent this?

i rather think that people should think before saying or doing anything hurtful. we need to realize the effects of the things that we want to say or do. before we react to the things that we hear or read, we need to understand completely what the writer wants to convey to us. the problem is people tend to have different interpretations for a single message. so if we don't understand clearly, we should always ask. we need to clarify things before we even react. or if we react, we should not be over reacting.

so please, if you don't understand clearly what i'm saying. would you please ask me before you even react? communication is the only thing that can resolve all our problems. we need to learn to listen to each other so that we will be able to understand.

a lil something for my baby

2007-03-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

mwahz baby! i love you so!

full of love

2007-03-24T20:54:00.000+08:00

i can't explain the way i'm feeling. all i know is i'm in love. my heart is bursting with the love i feel for you.

for you my dear silly bear.. my heart is bursting with love..

no matter what i'll be with you.. maybe not physically but you'll always be in my heart and in my mind..

before you came, i was so sad and lonely. no one could see. no one could understand. but i was ok with that.

then you came. you slowly got into my system and into my heart. you make me feel so alive. so loved. so happy.

i love you my silly bear! mwah!

to ate rhea

2007-03-22T08:09:00.000+08:00

so so so in LOVE

2007-03-16T02:06:00.000+08:00

hehe! so in love and so happy. thanks silly baby! mwahz! i love you too so much! thanks for coming in to my life. ü

you

2007-03-12T10:58:00.000+08:00

you are:

the silly bear to my tigger
the king to my queen
the knight to my princess

you are my first smile in the morning
you are my first thought when i wake up

you are my last smile in the evening
you are my last thought before i go to sleep

to my dear miggy

2007-03-08T13:20:00.000+08:00

i miss you
i like you
but do i love you?
i can't say for sure right now.

do you even love me?
i know you like me coz you told me.
but loving is quite different.

i don't know if i'm ready
or if you're ready for it.
this'll be hard i know
coz you're quite far from me.
so i need to be ready.
you should also be ready.

i'm afraid to say it.
but honestly,
i'm starting to fall for you.
i'm so happy just talking to you
even if i don't get enough sleep.

i'll be getting ready for you...for this. ü

you and me

2007-03-07T11:18:00.000+08:00

it started out to be you and me. you are a separate being from me. but then lately, you are seeping your way into my system. you are slowly becoming a part of me. do you know that? i hope you do.

should i?

2007-03-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling something i'm not sure i should be feeling. should i give in to the feeling? or should i not? should i just listen to what my mind says? or listen to my heart? a lot of things are on my mind but this feeling just won't go away. it makes me feel light hearted. it makes me feel like i'm in bliss. should i just let go and let things flow on its own? am i ready to face the risks that will come with it? i don't know and i won't know for sure. but will i ever know if i'm ready? i don't think so. i think i'd just have to take the plunge. but not yet. not now. maybe later.

i just HATE HATE HATE it

2007-02-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

TO THE MOST HATEFUL BOSS:

i hate the way you treat us! i hate the way you underestimate us! i hate your stupid personality!

why do you say those things? do you know how much i hate you right now? i used to like you. but now? you can't imagine how much i hate you. it wasn't just this once that you insulted me. you've done a lot and i just let those things pass. but this is too much. do not insult my intellectual capacity. or i will tell you just how dumb and stupid i think you are.

Partners and Marriage

2007-02-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

A friend emailed something for valentines day. I thought it was one of those nonsense emails that i consider as junk but when i opened it, i saw that it was something different. I really liked the composition. I just wanted to share this with you. The article can also be found here.

Partners and Marriage

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

Why do some couples glow?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

Laughter is the child of surprise

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

Do not betray the vision your heart will not deny

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.

If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.

Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things.

Marriage transforms us into full bloom

But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner notchosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

meeting a new friend

2007-02-13T15:16:00.000+08:00

someone sent me a message through text yesterday that she was here in cebu. we got to know each other through this site called www.club1ph.com. we weren't really that close but we considered each other as friends.

anyway, i thought i wouldn't be able to see her when their group went to ayala. fortunately, my office is just 5 minutes away from the said building. she sent me a message that she was there in ayala and so i also sent a message to our other friend that she's waiting for us at ayala. we (ross and i) both went to ayala to meet our friend lei.

at first, i thought she would be someone who is "ma-arte" and be that stereotypical manila girl but she wasn't. when i saw her for the first time, i said to myself, "she's not like those other manila girls." and i was right. she really wasn't. she was cool and talkative and we had fun talking and strolling along ayala. we took some pictures of us together. sort of a remembrance.

all in all, yesterday was a fun-filled day. hehe!

nothing much

2007-02-09T09:29:00.000+08:00

there's really nothing much that i can say. i just wanted to update my blog. it's been so long since my last post. hehe! i've been quite busy lately. meeting new friends and going out to have fun.

anyway, i wonder when will that company be back here in cebu for their next job fair..hmm..i so want to apply for a position in their company. they'll be able to train me and i'll be able to gain the skills that i know will benefit me. too bad i wasn't able to go to their job fair last weekend. i just hate it when i regret something. hmm..anyway, when they do come back, i'll be sure to go and apply.

oh by the way, maybe you'd want to join us in our club. you can sign up at www.club1ph.com. it's a new social networking site but it's quite different from friendster. it has live chat and forums which friendster doesn't have. check it out and maybe you'd like it. it's made for us Filipinos.

a funny poem

2007-01-29T15:37:00.000+08:00

here's a funny poem of someone having a grudge on his/her ex-lover. it was sent to me by my brother and i just wanted to share it with you guys.

poem for the ex who fooled you
by anonymous

roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweet,
& so are you...
but the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty,
& so is your head...
after you, my love,
my only prize,
would be a bullet
between your eyes...
kind, intelligent,
loving & hot,
these describe
everything your not...
what inspired this
fabulous rhyme?
2 parts gin,
1 part lime...
my feelings for you,
no words can tell,
except for maybe,
"go to hell!"

Loving Someone

2007-01-18T17:58:00.000+08:00

a piece sent to me by a friend. i don't know if she wrote this or somebody else did. but i liked the piece and i'd like to share it.

Loving Someone

When we love someone, we never really easily give
up on that person, even if we get hurt badly. We
always try to find to ease the pain, and to learn to
understand and forgive. Thats how love works. The
thought of losing someone dear to us is scary, and
sometimes unimaginable. And when the warm love
fades away, we allow ourselves to fall in a world of
make believe. When we keep our relationship and
hold to a feeling even only in our minds, then we
loose grip of what reality really is, and the feeling
is not there anymore.

The past behind us is often difficult coz it will
always take a little part of with it. It leaves an
empty space in our hearts that is only filled with
bitterness and pain. Loving too much doesnt hurt,
it is when we expect this love to be returned that
we begin 2 seek approval and affection on the
things weve done and we are taken for granted and love that we once freely and happily offered.
Things will never take its turn for the better if we let
the past cast shadow upon our lives. Theres no
use holding on to the feeling that is already dead. If
he belongs to someone else now, then let it be
that way. Dont waste your time waiting for
someone who never really cared about how you
would have felt. Open your heart again and give
yourself a chance to find the person who would make
loving worth the pain and the sacrifice.
Loving someone with all our hearts is not all that it
takes to make a relationship last. Even if we prove
our worth in many ways, seen or unseen, we still
cannot be given a guarantee of permanence and
loyalty in our relationships. Relationships that work
are those that do not live on love alone but strive
on mutual respect, kindness and loyalty. Even in
our best effort to keep our bonds strong and
steadfast, there are just time s when we have to
accept that not all relationships are meant to last.

Loving someone doesnt always mean that were
going to be loved in return. Being faithful doesnt
always mean that your partner will always be true
to you. Getting into a relationship is always a risk.
There is just no guarantee that it will work the first
time, or even the second or third time, if there will
be any. Sometimes, love means having to say
goodbye to someone you would have wished to
become one with. Sometimes, love means getting
hurt and being broken into pieces.

Even with all the pain that comes with loving we
should never let our hearts be destined to anger
and imprisoned by our need for justice. When love
comes into our lives we should be thankful
because it brings out the best and the good in all
of us. But when it leaves and goes against our will,
we should be sorry for a while for there should be
no room for hatre d to grow in our hearts.

When someone we love leaves us shattered, we
never have to pick-up the broken pieces of our lives
for we never lose what we give unselfishly out of
love. We only lose so much of ourselves when we
wallow in bitterness and in our unwillingness to
forgive. A love lost is not a love lost forever. In our
own time we will find the person meant to be one
with us. Some have already find their destiny,
others are still searching. Yours may already be
next in line but the only way to find out is to leave
yesterday behind, take the next step today and
look forward with hope and with fervent prayer for
that love that will last us all eternity.

in conclusion

2007-01-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

foolishness. stupidity. carelessness. these are words that describe the act i did. but no matter how i think of it or how people describe it, i did what i did because i was so in love with the guy. too bad for me that he didn't feel the same way i did.

i've realized now, he was not worth all the pain. he was not worth crying over. what i liked about this experience is that i've found a lot of friends who were willing to help me go through the bad time i was having. i've also gained new friends who have made it easier for me to cope. life doesn't end there after all. our relationship ended but i've had a ton of relationships beginning. i didn't really lose anything. in fact, i gained a lot of friends.

so in the end, i only lost him but he lost a lot. he lost the trust and respect of a lot of people. i, on the other hand, gained a lot. ;)

book wishlist

2006-12-21T01:50:00.000+08:00

jostein gaarder's books except for sophie's world

the historian - elizabeth kostova

one hundred years of solitude -gabriel garcia marquez

love in the time of cholera - gabriel garcia marquez

every street is paved with gold - kim woo chong

Boy Meets Girl

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

The Five People You Meet In Heaven

devil and miss prymm-paolo coelho

eleven minutes - p. coelho

naked - david sedaris

running with scissors- augusten burroughs

sydney sheldon
SKY IS FALLING
master of the game
if tomorrow comes
tell me your dreams
rage of angels

SYBil by Flroa Rheta Schreiber

What in a Word by Charles Harrington Elster

mga paboritong libro ni hudas by bob ong

BOb ong stainless longganisa

judith mcnaught
Once and Always
Kingdom of Heaven
Whitney My Love

the evil me

2006-12-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

hahaha! somebody has just let loose the evil in me.

somebody has waged a war against me. she started it. i'm just riding the waves and loving it. :p d ba ang pikon ang pildi? hehe! so who won? wehehehe! sorry nalang niya. oh by the way, to the guy in between everything, sorry if you're the in between but i don't really care. :p i'm happy as it is. fighting has never been so easy as this is.

by the way, if you wanna read my "pala-away" posts, read my friendster blog. hehe!

'til next time! ciao!ü

a new beginning

2006-11-30T04:43:00.000+08:00

i just closed one chapter of my life. later, i'll go back and read that chapter again. it was a roller coaster ride. going up and down. that's how it was. it was fun while it lasted but it also gave me pains that i never thought i'd bear. i'm okay now. i have accepted and i'm moving on. the last chapter has given me a lot of experiences in life and i've learned a lot from it. i'll treasure those memories. i'll learn from the mistakes and hopefully, i won't be committing the same mistakes again. right?

so i'm starting a new chapter in my life. i hope it'll be better than the last one.

Fairy Tales

2006-11-29T03:35:00.000+08:00

by Jojo

You know the story
You read the books
Boy meets girl
And they fall forever in love
But I know better
So here goes a tale
Of the realest of the real
Listen

Now once upon a time in a small world,
It was everything that I dreamed of
He was my gem and I was his pearl
Nothing could come between us
A prince charming to call my own
Until the day that he broke my heart
And left me wondering all alone
Picking my mind and soul apart

Used to believe in love (I used to believe in love)
Used to believe in fairy tales (In fairy tales)
but Since my heart's been crushed (It's been crushed)
I don't believe in much, i need help (No no no no no)
Don't know which way to turn
Figuring out for myself
I've just started to learn (La da da dee, oh)
There's no such thing in fairy tales

Is a good story supposed to end
Unhappily ever after
Just as wonderful as it began
And carry on for a few chapters
Then how come each time I open up
I can't seem to get past page one
I guess it's time for me to close up
And go back on the shelf because I'm done

Used to believe in love (I used to believe in love)
Used to believe in fairy tales (In fairy tales)
but Since my heart's been crushed (Since my heart's been crushed)
Just don't believe in much, i need help Don't know which way to turn (I don't know which way to turn)
Figuring out for myself
I've just started to learn (La da da dee oh)
There's no such thing as fairy tales

Twinkle twinkle little star
Why do my dreams seem so far (Why they seem so far)
Up above the world so high
Won't somebody tell me why (Can you help me)
Can you help me out
Can you tell me what love is all about
Cause I never noticed for myself (Don't believe in fairy tales)
That's why I don't believe in fairy tales no more

Used to believe in love(in love)
Used to believe in fairy tales
used to believe used to believe
Used to believe in fairy tales
Since my heart's been crushed
I don't believe in much, i need help(I don't believe in much)
Don't know which way to turn
Figuring out for myself (Oh no no no no no)
I've just started to learn (Just started to learn)
There's no such thing in fairy tales (There's no such thing in fairy tales)

Used to believe in love
Used to believe fairy tales (La da da da)
but Since my heart's been crushed
Just don't believe in much, i need help
Don't know which way to turn (I don't know which way)
Figure it out for myself
I've just started to learn
There's no such thing in fairy tales
oooooooooooo,
oooooooooooo,
oooooooooooo,
oooooooooooo.

belonging to a month

2006-11-28T22:31:00.000+08:00

JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside........ Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality, sexy. Affectionate, Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Hesitating, tends to delay Loves attention.Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's probl ems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory....... Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance . Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Attracts others and loves attention. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. .
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious, executive. romantic.
Loving and caring. Loves to make friends. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defence. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.
Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings........ Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited....... Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Moody. Loyal and generous. Sexy Strong lover. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Loves to love.Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions.

THE GREATEST PIECES OF ADVICE

2006-11-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

got this in an email a long time ago..just dug it up and wanted to share it to you..

THE GREATEST PIECES OF ADVICE

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won. Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

someday

2006-11-28T02:30:00.000+08:00

Someday by Nina

Someday you're gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere
Even if i can't

I know
You don't really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well i've got news for you
I know i'm not that strong
But it won't take long
Won't take long

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

But now
I know you can't tell
I'm down, and i'm not down anyway
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday, someone's gonna take your place
One day i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you
Someday, someday

last goodbye

2006-11-23T03:23:00.000+08:00

Last Goodbye
by Jeff Buckley

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then i'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories
Offer signs that it's over... it's over

farewell by raymund lauchengco

2006-11-16T15:10:00.000+08:00

We used to be frightened and scared to try
Of things we don't really understand why
We laugh for a moment and start to cry
We were crazy

Now that the end is already here
We reminisce 'bout old yells and cheers
Even if our last hurrays were never clear

Chorus:
Farewell to you, my friends
We'll see each other again
Don't cry 'cause it's not the end of ev'rything
I may be miles away
But here is where my heart will stay
With you
My friends, with you

Yesterday's a treasure, today is here
Tomorrow on its way, the sky is clear
Thank you for the mem'ries
Of all the laughter and tears

And not to mention our doubts and our fears
The hypertension we gave to our peers
It's really funny to look back
After all of these years

Farewell to you, my friends
We'll see each other again
Don't cry 'cause it's not the end of ev'rything
I may be miles away
But here is where my heart will stay
With you
My friends, with you

Chorus 2:
Farewell to you, my friends
We'll see each other again
Don't worry 'cause it's not the end of ev'rything
I may be oceans away
But here is where my heart will stay
With you
My friends, with you
With you, my friends
With only you

wake up call

2006-11-14T04:50:00.000+08:00

i got a wake up call. it shook me to the core of my being. it made me realize i was denying something i had known for so long. i couldn't believe i allowed that to happen to myself. i was never this way before. this is such a surprise to me. i could never imagine myself being blinded by my feelings. but i'm awake now. i am aware now of my situation. i am aware of what i need to do.

will everything be ok? or will all hell break loose? i cannot say. i dare not say what will happen. but after this confrontation that i'm planning, i'm really not sure what will come next. come what may. i will stand tall. i will stand firm. i will not sway.

how can i not love you by joy enriquez

2006-11-08T03:42:00.000+08:00

Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know

{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walk Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone

Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We've Known All Along

{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walk Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You

Must Be Brave
And We Must Be Strong
Cannot Say What We've Known All Along

{Chorus}
How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone

pinpointing

2006-11-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

i hate the way you readily pinpoint someone when you haven't even really investigated. i hate it. it's like you're telling me that you don't trust me. do i look that stupid to you?! omg! i can't believe this. i have never been so insulted in my life. and then you ask if i'm ok? i am NOT!

who's to say by vanessa carlton

2006-11-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

Stand up straight
Do your trick
Turn on the stars
Jupiter shines so bright
When you're around
They tell us slow down,
We're too young you need to grow
The speed's the key
And they don't know who we are

And who's to say that we're not good enough?
And who's to say that this is not our love?

Mother don't tell me friends are the ones that I lose
'Cause they'd bleed before you
And sometimes family are the ones you'd choose
It's too late now
I hold on to this life I found

And who's to say we won't burn it out?
And who's to say we wont sink in doubt?
Who's to say that we wont fade today?
Who are they anyway? Anyway, anyway they don't know

And you say we're too young, but maybe you're too old to remember
And I try to pretend but I just feel it when we're together
And if you don't believe me, you never really knew us
You never really knew

You and I, packin' up my room, we feel alright
We're not welcome
Soon we'll be drivin', 'cause they don't know who we are

Who's to say we won't stay together?
Who's to say we aren't getting stronger?
Who's to say I can't live without you?
Who are they anyway? Anyway, anyway they don't know

And you say we're too young, but maybe you're too old to remember
And I try to pretend, but I just feel it when we're together
Who's to say?
And who's to say?
Who are they anyway?

Stand up boy, I shine so bright when you're around

a secret to tell

2006-11-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

Close To You
by Whigfield
album: Whigfield (1995)

Nobody pays
Much attention
They misuse their time
Maybe it’s better to mention
Moments passing by

A secret to tell
I got something
They don't have
And baby it's you that
Is lifting me high

I just wanna be close to you
'Cos I understand
The strength of your hand
Oh and love that you
Put me through
You're more than a friend
So love me again

Baby you're full of affection
People stop and smile
Maybe they see my intention
To make life worthwhile

A secret to tell
Now there's nothing
Holding back
'Cos baby it's you that
Is making me fly

I just wanna be close to you
'Cos I understand
The strength of your hand
Oh and love that you
Put me through
You're more than a friend
So love me again

I just wanna be close to you
'Cos I understand
The strength of your hand
Oh and love that you
Put me through
You're more than a friend

A secret to tell
Now there's nothing
Holding back
'Cos baby it's you that
Is making me fly

Oh baby oh yeah
Love that you put me through
Love that you put me through

broken hearted fool

2006-10-30T11:13:00.000+08:00

a fool for falling in.
a fool for digging deep.
a fool for wanting more.

a fool for trying.
a fool for telling.
a fool for opening up.

a fool that is what i am.
understanding but not really capturing the meaning of it all.
and so i am a broken hearted fool.

for those who are in love

2006-10-27T02:49:00.000+08:00

1) Never try to change your loved one to suit your own taste. It defeats the purpose of falling in love with who s/he really is.

2) After being with each other for so long, never forget the little things that made you fall in love with him/her.

3) Too much jealousy can kill but a little of it is healthy. Besides, its nice to know that your loved one fears of losing you.

4) Small random acts of sweetness have guaranteed tremendous effects.

5) Say I love you because you mean it and not because you have to.

a romantic's ideals

2006-10-27T02:45:00.000+08:00

i want to be someone's last call of the night and his first thought in the morning.
i want those 5-hour conversations that end in: no, you hang up first.
i want the heart-racing, palm-sweating, what's-gonna-happen-next? moments.
i want the hugs that he never wants to let go of and the stolen kisses that are always the sweetest.
but most importantly, i want someone i can think of as mine and mine alone.

change of body clock

2006-10-25T22:51:00.000+08:00

i think my body clock is changing. lately, i've been waking up early and can't go back to sleep. so i get so sleepy during the night. *sigh* i'll have to find a way to go back to my usual sleeping hours.

if only people at home could shut their mouth and realize that someone is sleeping in the other room. if only no one will disturb me during slumber, then i wouldn't be like this. i hate being like this because i get so moody. it's not a good thing for me.

anyway, gotta go back to work now..

how happy are you?

2006-10-25T22:48:00.001+08:00

You Are 76% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world.

Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

how vain are you?

2006-10-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

You Are 45% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.

Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

personality profile

2006-10-25T22:47:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.

Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.

You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.

You are good natured and people enjoy your company.

You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

guilt

2006-10-20T09:06:00.000+08:00

i'm supposed to be asleep at this time. but then i couldn't sleep. something is bothering me. deep down inside, i feel so guilty. i am guilty for not taking care of something. i have been irresponsible. i feel so irresponsible. so guilty am i of losing something that i borrowed. i am feeling so so guilty.

i'm so sorry dad..

determination

2006-10-18T01:02:00.000+08:00

i am now determined to do something i was hesitant to do before. yesterday, i was hesitant. i was not ready. but today, i have prepared myself and i am now determined to do what i have to do. i will not say what i plan to do and i will not give any hints to it. i think the time has come to do such a thing. i am being provoked and i am rising to the bait. i will rise and i will win this.

a little something for your highness:

if being "plastic" is what you want, then that's what you'll get. i won't give anything more than that. i am waging a silent war against you. you'll never know what's coming next. i will get back at you someday.

would you agree?

2006-10-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

my cousin sent me a text message today. tell me what you think...

================================
for a long time now, i've been asking myself, where does love go after someone breaks up with you? why is it that suddenly we feel tired of loving that person? why can't we offer even friendship? and i found the answer. many may think i'm stupid not to know but the answer is simple. it's because one expects something in return when they give love away and when we don't get what we expect, we feel tired or even give up. many have said that love is not selfish but really, it is. it always has been and it'll always be.
================================

agree or disagree?

i can say that love is selfish but not entirely. there will always come a time when one will become selfish but most of the time love is selfless (did i use the right word?). most of the time you only think of what you can do for the person that you love..what you can do to make him/her happy. one always thinks of how his/her loved one will feel before doing anything else.

10 facts of about LOVE

2006-10-15T10:07:00.000+08:00

1) Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.

2) Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.

3) Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.

4) Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.

5) If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.

6) It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.

7) It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.

8) Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.

9) Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.

10) Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

too many walls by cathy dennis

2006-10-15T09:57:00.000+08:00

Wish on a rainbow is all I can do
Dream of the good times that we never knew
No late nights alone in your arms
I'll dream on
Living in wonder, thinking of you
Still looking for ways to uncover the truth
You're so young is all they can say
They don't know
If I could change the way of the world
I'd be your girl

Too many walls have been built in between us
Too many dreams have been shattered around us
If I seem to give up they'll still never win
Deep in my heart the strength is within

Watching the others chances drift by
They'll never discover these feelings I hide
Deep inside I'm falling apart
All alone with a broken heart
Thinking in silence is all they allow
These words still unspoken may never be found
All these dreams one day will be mine
They cross my mind
My time has yet to come
Until then

Too many walls have been built in between us
Too many dreams have been shatered around us
If I seem to give up
They'll still never win
Deep in my heart I know the strength is within

Repeat to fade...

girls

2006-10-15T09:50:00.000+08:00

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, "I'm fine", after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine.

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When a girl wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says, "Ill love you forever,"
she means it.

When a girl says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that.

bad news

2006-10-13T20:46:00.000+08:00

the day started out right. i decided to buy my computer. i already gave the go signal. i'll just be waiting for it to be delivered next week. then i came to the office and it felt like a bomb was dropped in front of me. i didn't have the power to change things. i didn't have any control over what would happen next. so i just said that it was ok. it's ok because i can't do anything else. i'm not mad at anyone. it's just that i feel that it's so unfair but i can also understand their reasons. i don't know. i'm feeling so down. i don't know what to do. i don't want to work today. i'd like to go out and have some fun. i'm not in the mood for work.